Thursday, October 9, 2014

How Could You?

Dammit, Javier! I hate you right now. It keeps hitting me right upside the head that you're gone. Just out of nowhere . And then I start bawling. How could you be so stupid? Do you have any idea how much pain your stupid fucking choices have caused? Dude, I don't think you're Mama's ever going to get over it. She's not doing too good, bro. It's aging her a little every day. She's just so damn sad. I can't really compare my pain to hers, but it still hurts pretty bad. I'm so mad at you. Do you have any idea how ugly I am when I cry?
I just miss you. We all do. No amount of wishing, crying, or being angry is going to bring you back, though. So, I guess I'll just deal with it. I love you, you asshole.

Monday, October 6, 2014


Why? Why I am always doubting myself?
I am constantly thinking that I am too fat, that I have too many pimples, that I suck at my job, that I'm ugly. What the fuck? None of that is true. Why do I think that? I spent most of my morning crying, because I felt this way. And it's absolutely untrue. I'm one of the prettiest broads I know. I rock at my job (I'm a hairstylist), and I am just amazing all around. So why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we hate ourselves? Why don't we just love that little bit of jiggle in our wiggle? Why can't we look in the mirror and say, "Damn, that chick is fine"
I am absolutely fucking over it. I'm going to stop asking myself why. Because the answer to that question is,  "Why not?"
No matter what, you're good enough. Regardless of any doubts you may have about yourself, you are a bad bitch . I love you, and you should too. Now, let's go run the world.

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Fuck Your Life

Scare of fucking my life. I woke up to someone breaking into my house, and someone standing in my bedroom. I don't understand why, but I somehow turned on my lamp or maybe he did, I don't know, I recognized him. All sucked up, shot out, hollow, like  shell of his former self. Fuck. You're a junkie piece of shit. I always called you Brother, you called me Sis, because we got each other. But you fucked up.
You grabbed my arms,pinned me, and for second, I thought you might do the unimaginable to me, They tell you to stay calm and use a soft voice when facing an attacker. For once in my life, I whispered. I looked into your dead zombie fucking eyes and, said, "Brother, please don't do this"  I said it more than once, maybe three times.I have never been more scared in my life. You reached down, I thought you were going to touch me, It was making my skin crawl. I almost threw up but I  held down the bile, I didn't want to make you more upset. I was terrified at the thought of actually being raped. This would fucking hurt. I kept saying "Brother please, please. We've been through things together. Remember yard duty at St Johns all the fucking leaves we had to rake?"  I finally saw a reflection, maybe a tear. He jumped off and ran. If I owned a gun, I never would have been able to catch a head shot. Who cares? I would have preferred to shoot him in the back. Live like a coward, die like a coward. I don't give a fuck how high you were, I've been there, done that. And I never did anything like the shit you pulled. We were at St John of God together, you met my mother for chrissake. You were my brother from my another mother. Now you break into my home, and nearly violate me? Oh fuck no, you got it twisted
Last time I saw you, was almost two years ago. Gaby and you were clean were clean, she was pregnant.  You called, you and your cousin needed haircuts. I cut hair, played pool, it was fun, that was the **** I will always remember and on the way home, I kept saying how proud I was of both of you. We took pics that night, like a family reunited. I 'm sure they're on my Facebook somewhere. You and your cousin took me home, you shook my husbands hand. Yeah, my husband. We got married recently, and try to lead a normal life. We work hard for everything we have, which is admittedly not much. But ITS OFF LIMITS. OURS NOT YOURS . I'm pissed. How fucking dare you, you lowlife piece of shit? Everyone has given you a million chances. Your family, your sons mother,your other sons mother, everyone expects better. Oh wait, no they don't, they've given up. After rehab, you always would call me to see if I was doing good, because you were sucking at life. I was always there for you no matter what.
But now? You're a fucking bottom feeder. You fucking drain people. You suckle until the tit is dry. Way to go "dad", for going to one whole soccer game.  And child support payments? Who needs them? I can't wait to buy you a fathers day card! Because, you're just the best ever. Gee, why don't you get them a nice card for all the birthdays, soccer matches, mothers days, anniversaries, even Christmases, that you forgot because you're a selfish, self absorbed asshole that was either  fucking loaded or in prison. The fathers day card will be nice and sparkly, and then we'll sign it, "Thanks for being a dick" .
You might wanna keep your head down. You got a surprise coming. Maybe tomorrow, the day after, maybe next week. Who knows? Doesn't the element of surprise just get you excited? Here's a little tasty tid bit for you.... Just found this about an hour ago...... Drum roll please.  You're a fucking pedophile. Lewd and lascivious acts with a minor under 14, 17 counts. That was in Florida. Did you think no one would find out? It's public record you fucking idiot. Only a few bucks to get the info online. What about the THREE. FUCKING. RAPE. AND. SODOMY CHARGES. IN IDAHO. Go team! It would likely be in your best interest to turn yourself in. The authorities might keep you safe. Or maybe, not. Hopefully they get to you before the homies do. Either way, you're quite literally fucked. Do you know how much  inmates hate pedophiles? Do you know what happens to them? I'm sure you do, you've served a couple of terms.
I wanted you to learn . But you don't have it in you. Fuck your life.  I'm not interested in buying your bullshit anymore. I used to love you, but now I would rather watch a speeding train shred you on the track. The way you're going, your life will end in some disgusting gas station bathroom with a fucking needle in your arm, or your neck , slumped over, covered in your own vomit, sitting in some one elses urine. Good luck with that.