Monday, January 26, 2015

Because I'm Not Normal

  So, I relapsed. Well, fuck. I keep asking myself why. However, after spending a large majority of my day talking to friends and going to a meeting, I've come to a conclusion. I'm not a failure, I'm not a worthless piece of shit, and I'm not a waste of space. I'm just an alcoholic and an addict. I will always be this way. I will never be able to go out (or stay in) and have a couple of drinks or do anything else that will change my head without overdoing it. Because I'm not normal, and you know what? I'm not ashamed of that. If you're riding on my same ship, you understand. For the rest of you, I'm sorry if you've been part of the unfortunate wreckage we can cause. We really do love you, we just don't always love ourselves.
  Today is day one. I would like to promise that I'll maintain perfect sobriety for the rest of my life, but that's not how it works. All I have is today, and I am working really hard on tomorrow, and the next day, and the next, and the next.... Oh, fuck off, go have dinner or something. I'm gonna go back to not being normal.

Friday, January 2, 2015


 There's this guy. I call him my husband. He's sleeping right  now. I never sleep well. My mind runs a million miles per second. That is why I write. Sometimes, I look at him and think....
    You're perfect.
You're perfect for me. You get on my last nerve. You exhaust me. I hate you. You hate me. Nah,just kidding. We're in love.. We argue over the most ridiculous things. Then we smile and make jokes later, because we both know we're wrong. 
    I'm staring at you right now. We just made love a couple of hours ago, It wasn't perfect, not like in the movies. But what in life is? You really want to know what it was like? It was us, just us. It was perfect. In that moment, we looked into each others eyes and nothing else mattered.
I love you. I'm going to crawl into bed soon. I'll fall asleep and snore, you'll make fun of me tomorrow ,I'll probably get mad at you. Then we'll bicker, and eventually smile , joke, and laugh again.  Absolute fucking perfection. Get used to it, this shit is forever.