Monday, June 9, 2014

Sunshine

Sometimes, we fuck up. We ignore what the universe is providing us. We would rather deny the sun, and live in darkness. Mark my words, it's a mistake. I recently made such an error.
My blog is all about honesty.The truth hurts, but so does life. So let's put it all out there. I'm not big on lies these days. 
I really thought that I was ready to end it. I was so depressed, so stressed. I thought "Fuck it. I'm done"
I went and bought the cheapest fifth of vodka I could find. I also spent $20 on 10 Norcos. I was really going to do it. Then, for some reason, I fell asleep. When I woke up, the vodka was still sitting there, so were the pills. Which by the way, I had crushed for easy digestion. I was so fucking disgusted with myself. Like "Really? Why would you think this wasn't a life worth living? So what, the gas and the Internet has been turned off, you can turn it around, kid."
I immediately took the bottle and smashed it, done. The pills I begrudgingly threw away as well. You wanna know the most interesting part? This didn't actually happen.
It could have. I was really feeling bad. But I'm back. I won't ever ignore the sun again. Because I have too much to live for. I have people in my life who love me. I have a nephew who hasn't met his aunt yet. I have friends, some whom I've never even met, who are pulling for me. Most importantly, I have the spirit of a Kirby. I can't turn my back on that. The strong will survive. And I am nothing if not a survivor. Mom and Dad (and everyone else) I hope you're not too mad at me for this. I hope you understand my point. You've loved my crazy ass for 32 years, let's keep it up.

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